I didn’t want it to happen…

I was happy in my little village raising my children and minding my business. I have been away from battle for a long time and had found peace to be rewarding. I spent my days reflecting on life and where I was going in my journey. I loved all and no longer carried hate…

That has ended.

Office Ninja didn’t ask for this fight his hand was forced. Office Ninja has kept his head down and mouth closed observing the vow of silence and peace he made to Office Ninja Wife. You have brought this on yourself. You have awoken the sleeping Dragon and his fire will destroy your village.

Office Ninja vs. The Office Pot Luck

Office Ninja read the email and signed up to bring the ice cream. Office Ninja even blocked out time so that he could come and be social with the rest of his team. This is hard for Office Ninja because while he has not drawn his sword against you, he doesn’t like you at all. It is not Office Ninja’s fault that your potluck was moved to a alternate date at the last minute. It was not Office Ninja’s fault that you brought in your food a week early because Office Ninja did it as well. It was your other co-workers that changed the date without sending the email, do not blame Office Ninja. Here we are a week later and everyone brought in food but Office Ninja. Office Ninja assumed that his 3 gallons of ice cream would remain unopened in the freezer but someone decided to eat them unbeknownst to him. Office Ninja offered to go buy more for the party but you told him it was too late to do so and then chastised him for not being a team player. You went so far as to tell Office Ninja  he could not partake in the potluck because he didn’t contribute even though he fulfilled his obligation a week ago when the party was supposed to be.… That’s ok Office Ninja has other plans!

It was Office Ninja that went to the Pharmacy during his 9:30 break. It was Office Ninja that bought the liquid stool softener and Liquid Ex-lax. Office Ninja made sure he got enough to stop a horse in his tracks. It was Office Ninja that made sure the queso dip was properly spiced with his recent purchases. It was Office Ninja that added a special ingredient to the Chili. It was Office Ninja that waged a secret Ninja war on your bowels!  It was Office Ninja that used the leftovers to spice up your jugs of Iced Tea.

Enjoy your lunch you pricks I am headed down to the Sushi Joint. Let this be a warning, Office Ninja is back and he feels no sympathy, he feels no remorse. Office Ninja is turning it up to 11 and he feels no one is innocent. Office Ninja is mad.

 

 

Office Ninja does not fear the cold he embraces it! Office Ninja awoke last Friday to find the ground covered with white powdery goodness and did the only thing an Office Ninja should do… he went to work!

 

Office Ninja gets paid by the hour and is not going to lose his gold coins to wintery weather conditions, however Office Ninja was one of the ONLY ones that showed up to work. Office Ninja is disappointed at the lack of courage his fellow workers displayed so Office Ninja decided he was going to make Monday morning a little more interesting for some of the people in his cubical village.

 

It was Office Ninja that raided the front desk admin girls stash of Air bills for UPS. It was Office Ninja that rounded up all the personal items of his 6 teammates that decided not to show up for work. Pictures of your kids?  Yeah those are going n the box. Little desk toys? In they go. Fancy thermos? IN. Annoying talking thing that says funny catch phrases??? PACKED! Little candy dish? In the box. Ipod??? BOX!

 

It was Office Ninja that shipped all of your personal belongings to the Atlanta Office, the same office that didn’t have a single thought of closing during their “blizzard”. Office Ninja was kind enough to include a note in 24pt Cambria font asking whomever receives the package to please contact the owners of the personal items at their office location in Texas.

 

Office Ninja feels justified in his actions and is glad to be back on the prowl.

Ok there are some days when I am just a sick, evil and twisted individual. Today might have been one of those days. I really cranked up the darkness to 11.

 

I have already enacted my vengeful ways once on the Christmas spirit in my new village but they didn’t seem to get the message. Maybe this time they will listen!

 

Office Ninja does not mind your celebration. Office Ninja finds it quaint that everyone decorates and has holiday music playing. However, it is AFTER Christmas now and time for this to end.

 

Yes Office Ninja took down his decorations first thing Monday morning when he came in. Yes he threw the wrapping paper you wrapped his desk in away and no he did not use the recycling bin either! The real questions is why is yours still up???

 

Office Ninja is tired of the lights, he is tired of having to plug in the inflatable Santa that you have tied to his desk. Office Ninja is so sick and tired of all the paper snowflakes that his team spent a day cutting out instead of working towards our yearend bonus (going to miss it by about 3 days worth of work). Office Ninja hates all the red velvet ribbons still hanging all over the place and every time he sees those DAMN ELVES AND THEIR ANIMATRONICS! Ok really it is just the Elves that piss me off to no end.

 

Let Office Ninja paint the picture for you…There are four of them, a boy elf, a girl elf and 2 snowmen elf. They are all dressed in winter clothes, boots, hats scarves and jackets. Why a Snowman needs goulashes  and a beanie cap I will never know but they both have them! They all four sit about 6 feet behind me in a open area opposite the coffee maker and the water cooler in the open Kitchen area. We work in a very “trendy” environment with low cubical walls and modern décor. Stained concrete floors and floor to ceiling windows for natural light. We have a exposed ceiling with all the air vents and water pipes in plain sight. Now that Office Ninja has painted the preverbal picture in your head let Office Ninja explain why the Elves must die!!!

 

The Elves are motion activated. Yeah that’s right every time someone walks by them to get coffee or water or to just go into the little kitchen area the fucking elves start singing Christmas carols and doing this little swaying dance step! There are 155 people on my side of the building and they all use that area!!! Since the Monday after Thanksgiving I have had to hear these stupid things. I have already kidnapped them once and ransomed them for breakfast tacos. I have unplugged them and moved them into closets and peoples offices in hopes they will not return but they always do. Office Ninja cannot take it anymore especially since the holiday is over!

 

Office Ninja has decided to help the little dancing elves go into the light.

 

It was Office Ninja that got up extra early this morning to get to his cubical village before anyone else. It was Office Ninja that toted the Elves to the conference room. It was Office Ninja that undressed and folded the little winter clothes of the singing and dancing elves. It was Office Ninja that hung the little animatronic, singing dancing elves with their own  scarves to the water pipes in the exposed ceiling. It was Office Ninja that left a note explaining that the little Elves had a suicide pack to hang themselves so that they could join Santa on a different plain of existence in a magic dimension where they will not be forced to sing and dance for people getting coffee.

 

Office Ninja feels no shame for his actions…

Office Ninja does not understand people like you. You hate smokers you hate smoke but yet you spend every one of your breaks down in the smoking area standing out in the cold. If anyone gets to close to your bubble you do the fake cough thing and make a point of telling everyone within earshot that you ”are allergic to smoke”.

 

Office Ninja feel you are a pain in the ass and you have annoyed him with your actions.

 

Office Ninja must act!

 

It was Office Ninja that snuck down at 10:45am after everyone was done with their morning smoke break. I t was Office Ninja that bagged up all the dead cigarettes butts in his handy dandy plastic shopping bag. It was Office Ninja that waited patiently until you left for lunch…

 

It was Office Ninja that filled your top desk drawer up with all the discarded cigarettes!

 

Office Ninja feels justified and is smiling on the inside.

Office Ninja thoroughly enjoys his new cubical village. The people are happy and cheery and there is no cruel feudal leadership oppressing the villagers. It has been so long since I wanted to draw my blade that I am not sure even if I could if the need arose.

 

Alas if there is one thing that will always get my Ninja blood boiling it is the excessive use of the Christmas spirit. When Office ninja becomes Supreme Warlord one day he will pass a law that will only allow Christmas celebrating the week of Christmas and not for the entire period from the day after Thanksgiving .

 

Amongst Office Ninja’s cardinal rules while at work is “ I do not decorate”. I don’t care about your winter wonderland or your 4^th of July bonanza. I will not staple Cupids or cut out bats to hang from the ceiling. The last thing on my to do list for the day is stringing green crepe paper and wearing stupid leprechaun hats. I promise you that the fastest way to make a blood enemy of me is to involve me in any potlucks planning or responsibility that extend further then bringing cups or eating food I didn’t bring.

 

That being said I have tried my best to ignore all the holiday spirit going on around me in my new village. I am the new guy and at the bequest of Wife of Office Ninja I am “trying to make friends and be nice”.

 

Niceness can only last so long…

 

Office Ninja simply wants to come to work and do his job without all the extraneous bullshit. This is a place of work not a daycare class room. I am tolerant of your sparkling lights, I can handle the wreaths that pop up on desks, I am even okay with the small Christmas trees but where I draw the line is 3 foot tall animatronics plug in elves that are going to sing the same 3 songs all day long. That level of cuteness and holiday spirit cannot be allowed to go on…

 

Office Ninja must act!

 

It was Office Ninja that kidnapped the cutesy elves. It wasn’t hard Office Ninja is the only one in the office at 7:30am. It was Office Ninja that took the roller cart from IT. It was Office Ninja that rolled them down to the Parking Garage and parked them under the stairs. It was Office Ninja that faxed a ransom letter to the Corporate e-fax for his department stating that the elves would not be returned unless breakfast Tacos were bought for his entire team today.

 

Office Ninja is currently enjoying his Bacon egg and cheese and the elves were pushed into the lobby while no one was looking.

 

All is good in the world.

Well Office Ninja has arrived at his new village and so far he does not want to draw his blade. Everyone seems to be fairly normal and fun to work with.

 

The new village has wonderful, wonderful things. Vending machines where everything costs a $0.25, huge break room with a 6^th floor patio overlooking the forest, a bar in the same parking lot and a sushi joint less than a 3 minute walk away.

 

So far the only down side is the décor in the office. The cubical walls are very low so this is not good for sneaking, the office is very active with everyone talking to one another, very well lit with floor to ceiling windows. If I had to pick one thing that drives me nuts it is the stained concrete floors, all the high heels clip and clopping on the floor all day is a pain in the ass. So basically I am whining because I am working in a place I like with nice people in a pretty office where people take care of their employees… whatever is a Office Ninja to do when he is not needed???

 

I have been hired by another village to help expel some rouge forces sent by the traitorous Emperor. I am not sure when Office Ninja will be up and posting again but I expect it won’t take long. For now I would like to post this conclusion to the events surrounding the COG!

 

Office Ninja vs. Creepy Old Guy the final battle.

 

Office Ninja has done all he can to warn you about messing with him. You don’t seem to get that messing with Office Ninja is bad for your health! Office Ninja does not care about you and does not care if he goes so far that you get fired. Office Ninja has told you face to face to leave him alone but you done seem to listen… The final straw came this week while Office Ninja was enjoying his afternoon sabbatical in the first floor men’s room. Imagine Office Ninja’s surprise when he looked up and saw you peeking in from the crack in the door laughing and telling me to get back to work. Office Ninja does not like it when people interrupt his afternoon “Seat Time”.

 

Office Ninja is going to act.

 

Sure Office Ninja could go to HR but since this is his last day in  this village Office Ninja is pretty sure nothing would happen to you.  Office Ninja came up with a better plan.

 

It was Office Ninja that snuck on to your computer while you went on your morning break. It was Office Ninja that sent an email from your account to everyone in the LXX CXXXX Office inviting them to your swinger party. It was Office Ninja that gave the subject line of “Come to my Crisco Disco!” . Office Ninja didn’t stop there though. Office Ninja sent a picture of a penis from you to everyone in the office with the subject line “RSVP for this Love Tool”.

 

Good Luck explaining that to everyone COG…

 

Peace out Axxxxxx Axxxxx it was fun while it lasted! Long Live the Bacon Guy!!!!!

We all know you are pretty. Regardless of how vapid you are we all laugh at your stupid jokes because we as men are powerless against your hotness. Yes when you walk the halls we all pop out of our cubes to look at you. Sorry Ninja Wife she is hot and you know how I love to look at the ladies.

 

Regardless of all of your lovely features and your proclivity for tight clothes your attitude is shit. You are mean spirited, lazy, dimwitted and overall the type of person I would like to get into a stick fight with or slip cobras into their sleeping bag. Worst of all is your constant two faced behavior to the people on your team. You act polite but it seems that on your facebook page you paint a much different picture of your feelings towards your co-workers. (Office Ninja sees the irony of him being upset at this behavior)

 

Office Ninja finds this unacceptable!

 

It was office Ninja that copied and pasted all of your mean, co worker bashing facebook updates. It was Office Ninja that made about 50 copies of them into full page booklets complete with the catchy title “What XXXXX really thinks about you!” and slipped them into the break room. It was Office Ninja that slipped them into the manila folders and silently delivered them to your team while you all were in your Friday morning meeting.

 

Office Ninja feels justified…

Office Ninja was enjoying his 10am tea break (don’t laugh at me I have a katana and mystical powers that lets me kill people with my thoughts.)  and decided to check out the west side of the building a little more. This area is mostly empty since they moved this group to the California office. To my surprise I found a back stairwell that I had not seen before. We only have two that go down to the lobby and when I opened the door I found that this one only went up…ROOF ACCESS!

 

Up the two flights of stairs I went to find a small landing with a slide latch on a hatch going out onto the roof. What I found was a wonderland! There was two small rooms that were obvious Elevator control rooms so I just ignored them but there was a smaller shed like room that had a window unit A/C coming out of one of the small windows. At one point this room housed a “weather center” but judging by the newspapers I found inside with 2008 dates on the, no one had been there in a long time. No equipment was left in the room but a desk against a wall and a metal chair. It is not much to look at and is not much larger than my cubical but when you open the double metal doors it offers a very nice shady area with a view from the west into downtown. This is now my new Lair of Excellence and I will be enjoying my lovely bento box here daily for my lunch as well as my 10am and 2pm tea breaks(no laughing at my love of tea).

 

"ON"

Today is Cog’s birthday and according to him he is 60 years young. After listening to him describe in detail how he “took his wife”  over the weekend Office Ninja cannot get the image out of his head. Office Ninja does not want to hear about how you “can still get it up at 60”. Office Ninja most certainly does not want to hear you describe the sounds your wife was making…

 

Your offense does not even need to be explained, everyone knows just be reading.

 

It was Office Ninja that stole you birthday cake out of the 1^st floor conference room. Office Ninja hid it in a computer box and quietly rolled it to the 3^rd floor while everyone was at lunch. It was Office Ninja that left it in the IT area with the “Thank You” card Office Ninja purchased from the store across the street. It was Office Ninja that laughed on the inside while he sat in the 3^rd floor break room when the IT department came back from lunch and found their cake and a card thanking them for all the hard work they did last month.

 

It is Office Ninja that is now sitting in his cube while everyone is in the conference room trying to figure out where your cake went…

 

Office Ninja feels justified for his actions.

Office Ninja is tired of your preaching when he reheats the food he killed the night before. Yes he knows that veggies are better and I should use smaller portions but I was up all night sword fighting and disappearing into a magical dust poof created by my mystical teachings… I am hungry!

 

Office Ninja sees all and he knows you ladies are cheating on your points. He has seen you guys hit the Friday lunch buffet in the conference room multiple times and just because you fit 3 meals all on one plate does not mean they are less points.

 

Office Ninja has seen you sneak out the taco truck in the morning and has bumped into you at Chic-Fil-a at lunch.

 

Office Ninja lurked in the corner laughing when he saw you are the BBQ devouring a rack of ribs and he cringed when he saw you ate the ice cream social and the month end party.

 

Office Ninja has been mounting a secret attack against you for 2 months now and you don’t even know it!

 

It was Office Ninja that strategically placed all the lunch menus around your area and made sure any coupons he could find in the val pak made its way to your community area. Office Ninja is the one that has been rounding up all the spare candy in the building and placing it in the bowls near your desk. It is Office Ninja that keeps moving all the left over cake and cookies from the break rooms to the file cabinet outside your cubical blocks…

 

More importantly it is Office Ninja that shows up to work early on Thursday for you weigh-ins and adjust the scale up and down each week!

 

That’s right Weight Watcher Ladies that little 5lbs loss you guys all had last week is going to be a 10lbs gain this afternoon and when you are done weighing in and are all depressed it is going to be Office Ninja who took all the fruit out of the bowl you guys have and replaced it with his Office Ninja Children’s left over Halloween candy!

 

You guys can commensurate over Sweet Tarts and Tootise Rolls allll afternoon and as a added bonus I am going to fire up the cookie scented candles I go a few weeks ago and let them fill the area around your cubes with delicious smells just like in grandmas kitchen!

 

Office Ninja is cackling in silence at his cube!

 

I was asked a very good question over the weekend by a aspiring Ninja.

 

“Office Ninja How do you get away with all the shit you do?”

 

Well here is a few of the tips I offered to him.

 

·         Always look busy. No matter where you go and what you do never have empty hands. Whenever you leave your cube you should be reading something and not looking up.

 

·         Never leave a trace that you were there. I have a building with swipe cars on all entrances to different sections. One of the first things I did as Office Ninja was to trade my badge out with another badge I found sitting at someone’s desk. I traded off all the stickers and the lanyard so it would look the same. Now wherever I go Helen from Accounting is the one that got me in the door.

 

·         Never hit the same target twice in the same week. Depending on the size of the prank I will avoid a certain areas until the heat cools off. I left COG alone for almost a month after the shrimp but that was also because that whole area smelled.

 

·         Don’t over plan. Make them simple but effective. If I am planning a elaborate attack I make sure it is set up when no one is around.

 

·         When It is a mass attack make sure you are hit as well. Never be the only guy in the room without cake on your face.

 

·         Don’t be afraid to go big! My first attack on the PPC was massive, it involved every single employee in the local office. The only people to get hit with the downside was the PPC but the whole office got in a little bit.

 

·         Use the tools you have at hand. I never go out of my way to get what I need for an attack. It is always right at my finger tips. Shrimp shells? I was there for lunch… Water Bottles for the PPC? They had them already set up. Anything you have to bring in leaves a trail and as a Ninja you must be invisible and leave no trail

 

·         Finally and most important. Keep your head down and mouth shut to your co-workers. Never bring up anything related to the act and if they do in your presence chat about it but get the topic changed quickly.

 

Now that you have these basic tips go out and do some Office Ninja-ing of your own and send me the results! Daofficeninja@yahoo.com

Office Ninja gets that you have a lot of stuff to print out. I understand that 1000 copies of the same document is necessary because you have to send them to our clients but it is 9am on Monday morning and other people in the office need to use those copiers too.

 

Office Ninja has decided that your selfishness needs to be punished.

 

It was Office Ninja that stopped your copy job…

It was office Ninja that filed up you paper trays with all the color paper he could find.

Office Ninja is the reason your print job is being printed on the lovely pastel colored paper he found.

 

Office Ninja feels the case of the Mondays slowly fade away

Well Office Ninja got some sad news yesterday. He and several of his co-workers will be eliminated at the end of the year and their positions will be moved to “Off-Shore” locations. Office Ninja does not see this as a problem but rather an opportunity. Office Ninja is going to take the gloves off and do all the things he has dreamed about.

 

Office Ninja vs. The Weight Watchers Ladies

Office Ninja vs. The Overweight White Woman that thinks she is black

Office Ninja vs. The COG the final battle (Creepy old guy)

Office Ninja vs. The PPC the final battle

Office Ninja vs. The absente Manager

Office Ninja vs. The OCD lady round II

Office Ninja vs. The Pretty Blonde girl in Contracts round II

Office Ninja vs. The Overzealous Temp

Office Ninja vs. The Uppity IT guy

Office Ninja vs. The Office Handsome guy over in Tech support

And Office Ninja helps the Office Bacon Guy

 

 

All of these and maybe some more will take place and some already have but I have been too lazy to post them.

 

Office Ninja firmly believes that a dead man fears nothing so he is definitely going to bring the pain!

 

 

Office Ninja LOOOOOOVES chili! Office Ninja has taken part in several Chili cook offs in his days. What Office Ninja doesn’t like is when you schedule a Chili cook off right in the middle of his month end close when he is trying to hit his budget and make a bunch of extra money and you got the entire payment processing staff in a conference room making chili at the same time and his $100+ plus of credit cards payments is not getting ran fast enough and he sends an email to the group and then 22 of the 25 emails come back stating that they are out of the office for a team building exercise and will be back in later!!!!

 

Ok that was a long Office Ninja rant.

 

Office Ninja is furious. Office Ninja feels no remorse. Office Ninjas actions are justified.

 

It was Office Ninja that waited outside the Chili cook off room for all of you to leave.

 

It was Office Ninja that snuck in after you all left and switched all the names around on

the chili pots so when the Judges came in later they would vote and all the names would be messed up.

 

It was Office Ninja that poured all the extra Cheyenne Pepper into the pot of the PPC Leader. (F#$% the PPC!)

 

It was Office Ninja that added plenty of extra salt to the batch made by his useless boss!

 

And finally to the pretty blonde girl in Contracts who missed the whole concept and thought this was a “bring Chili to work day” I really don’t know what to do about the unopened cans of Hormel Chili you brought to work so I am going to leave you alone this go round.

 

The Judging takes place in an hour, I will let you know how it goes.

 

******UPDATE******

DAMN YOU PPC LEADER! Office Ninjas attempts to thwart your Chili cook-off victory have backfired. Office Ninja added close to 3 oz of extra Cheyenne into you pot when you were not looking but still you won!!! People loved your chili for its spicy flavor. It was also you that noticed the names had all been moved around just in time for you to fix them before everyone voted. You are worthy adversary even though you are wrinkled and smell of old odors  .

 

Office Ninja is full of rage and will make everyone suffer. While everyone was in the conference room for the awards Office Ninja cleared out all 6 bathrooms men’s and women’s of all the toilet paper in all the stalls! Office Ninja super glued pennies over all the bathroom storage closets locks so no replacements can be found!

 

Office Ninja still does not feel happy because of his failure to harm PPC leader but he will… oh yes he willlll!

 

Office Ninja claims no responsibility for the entire system being down. Office Ninja went out of his way to be at work early today and was excited about all the work he was going to do.

 

Office Ninja will however take this time to be productive. Office Ninja co-workers do not come in until 9am and since there is not one other person in his little end of the cubicle world he is going to go desk for desk locking and snatching the keys from all the overhead bins where people just leave the keys dangling there.

 

Office Ninja is a stickler for workplace security.

We are just going to call you COG for short!

 

Office Ninja thought you might have learned your lesson with the shrimp but you didn’t…

 

Office Ninja thought you might have gotten the hint when he called you a creep and told you he thought you were a pervert, but no you keep going…

 

Office Ninja was sure you understood clearly when he told you that if you tickled him again he was going to knock your old ass out… Ok you might have gotten that one because you stopped tickling me.

 

Office Ninja does not like your new thing. He does not like that you walk into his cube and stand behind him until he sense you and turns around to tell you to leave. Office Ninja thinks it is time he messed with you a little bit more.

 

When Office Ninja came into work this morning he noticed that the paper shredder people were here. Office Ninja waited until you left for your HR benefits meeting and health screening and then set out for his revenge.

 

It was Office Ninja that filled your cube with the 6 large trash bags full of shredded paper! It was Office Ninja that made sure it was piled almost 3 feet deep in your cube. Office Ninja is sitting here patiently waiting for your return from the 3^rd floor conference room Health fair.

 

Office Ninja is laughing on the inside

 

 

Fridays in my office are just stupid. The majority of the company has a early off option in which they can leave at 12pm if all deliverables are done and there is no meeting scheduled. The kicker is that they get paid for the full time for the day. Office Ninja is filled with rage and hatred for this mostly because he is not eligible since he is a new member of Cubical land.

 

Office Ninja acted on his rage filled hatred. Office Ninja made sure everyone stayed just a little longer then they wanted to Friday. What can keep a entire office of slackers from leaving early??? Well a Pizza Party of course.

 

It started around 10am when I utilized the office bizhub to book some conference rooms for different times. Then I went with individual invites for small groups to each. I started with the management groups, Sr. Managers and group managers. I had them leave at 11:30am so that there would be no one around to answer anyone’s questions about the next round of invites. It doesn’t take much to convince anyone in this place to do something because no one really talks to each other outside of e-mail. Once one goes out it is pretty much followed blindly and unquestioned. After they are gone it is time for the supervisors and team leads, they got a special invite to a meet and greet with the new department head that is just transferring in from the California branch. It made sense to everyone because back in August our CFO was arrested for SEC violations and it is been widely known a new one was coming n soon. Easy sale for that… Finally it was for the PEONS and the even lesser groups such as the lowly temps. They got the big conference room on the first floor away from everyone else.

 

I had spent the day before calling pizza places around town trying to get the best deal for my son’s b-day party this past Saturday so I had a fairly good idea of what I could get away with when ordering. I sent a special invite to Donna the front desk girl to join the Peons and temps and in the invite asked her to pay the pizza joint I had chosen and give them the card number or petty cash when it was delivered.

 

So let me give a few details real quick. In our office we have what they call “Biz Hubs” located outside of all the break rooms. These are stand alone computers hooked into the regular network that gives you the same abilities that you have sitting at your desk. You can log as yourself or as almost anyone else in the company with the exception of most of the C-level exec. They for whatever reason are not password protected…

 

We have 350 ppl at our location and 8 office across America and in the UK. I have explained this “Biz Hub” stuff to several IT and techie geek type friends of mine and they all just flat out drop their jaws when they hear it. I could log in as someone in Eldorado CA and send e-mails to London or just send the email with a blank name and it will show simply as

 

From: BizHub #XXX location Las CXXXXX AuXXX TXXXX

To: Donna HXXXXX

 

On this occasion the email to Donna at the front desk simply came in the form of a meeting invite

 

Organizer: HXXXX Conference Room

Subject: Lunch meet and greet

Location: HXXXX Conference Room

 

Donna we have ordered in 5 pizzas and side  from Pizza Nizza WXXXXXXX. Can you please take care of this from petty cash or if cash not available please put on company charge card.

 

Please make sure you keep the receipt and feel free to tip the driver $5 or more if he assists with the set up.

 

Please make sure you join us if you can and if not feel free to take some back with you to the front.

 

-Thanks

 

 To the other 2 groups I simply left the subject line as a meeting request for a meeting they normally have on Wednesday and Thursday of each week and set the recurrence on it to send it out each week. I am hoping that they just write this off as a mistake and delete the emails.

 

Off the managers went soon to be followed by the supervisors and team leads. I headed up to the 3^rd floor break room near the conference room I had sent them and got myself a Baby Ruth. They all seemed to be moving right along with the meeting so I headed back downstairs just in time for my invite to pop up telling me in 5 minutes there would be pizza in the conference room.

 

I had 3 slices and 4 cookies

 

Office Ninja is happy.

Office Ninja was surprised this morning when he came in and found the hand written sign on his cube denoting his birthday. Office Ninja couldn’t help but notice the balloons and flowers and decorations on the 3 other desks that share his birthday week.

 

Linda in contracts has 7 Mylar balloons and one of them is  54” inches across

 

Laura in the ADG group has 5 and her desk is covered in confetti and ribbons

Daniel has 11 balloons total and while none of them are as large as a 6^th grader like Linda’s they all have his name on them and that tells Office Ninja that someone put in some effort.

 

Yup on Office Ninja’s cube he has a piece of 8x11 white copy paper with a sharpie scrawled “Happy BDAY” I didn’t even get the whole word just a “B”, HELL I DIDN’T EVEN GET THE DASH(-) BETWEEN THE “B” AND “DAY”!!!

 

Don’t be fooled, Office Ninja does not care about the day of his birth or the fact that his fellow citizens of Cubical land, no Office Ninja is upset today because of the visit he got from 3 of the cackling hens from the PPC!

 

Not long after Office Ninja sat down hr got a visit from the PPC Leader and her partners in crime.

 

“Good Morning Sxxxx, Happy Birthday.”

 

Office Ninja is presented with a card, not the fancy big cards he has been signing but a small off brand card. Office Ninja opened the card to find not a single signature or salutation from any of the others in cubical land, very much unlike all the ones he has had to sign. Instead Office Ninja just got “Happy Birthday from Axxxxxx”.

 

Office Ninja accepted gracefully and thanked the ladies of the PPC and turn to start his day, however the PPC had more for me.

“We were going to get you a cake but it was not in the budget. We have had several people not chip in for last month.”

 

AHHH Office Ninja now understands! Office Ninja did not chip into the fund last month and this is his punishment.

 

“We got you this instead”

 

Office Ninja graciously accepts his Tootsie Roll pop and will spend the day finding out how many licks it does take to get to the center.